Thorazine Shuffle

The Continuing Adventures of Donovan's Infirmary

There's one particular piece of shit in here - Nielson is his name
he plays the crazy role to a "T" - manipulation is his game
the male MTA's couldn't stand him - they knew he was a real piece of shit
they knew just what his game was - and wouldn't let him get away with it
he always got to the females - he appealed to their maternal soft core
no matter how much he verbally abused them - they'd always come back for more
there were two exceptions to this - they were Moreno and Crick
they saw him for what he was - just the sight of him would get them sick
then he came up against Crick - that's where he made his mistake
she didn't go for his shit no matter how much he'd tremble and shake
she threw him in #2 - isolated him away from the boys
she knew just what to do to end his disrespectful bullshit and noise
then everything was nice and quiet - until the next day
then came along Mother Teresa and Ted - and sprung him when Crick was away
yup - hook, line and sinker - as usual they fell for it
putting him back out here with the rest of us - so he could continue his shit
they could'nt bear to see it - you see the poor boy's sick
I wish I had these two on my jury - man talk about easy to trick
hell - I played the same game myself - 25 years before
you sit there in the corner with your peripheral vision on the door
when you thought or saw someone watching - right away you'd start faking
making like you was crapping all over yourself and violently shaking
it was always good for a laugh it was always real good funning
you eat a little soap to throw up on and keep a fever running
why would anyone do this you ask - it doesn't make sense you say
ha! you can do anything you want and get away with it - day after day
you see fool, he's beating the system - that's the name of the game
even something as small as fooling someone to get his way - it's a victory just the same
"Yeah I'm crazy - crazy like a fox that's me
I may have lost the war - but I'll play this game till I am free"
but much to Nielson's surprise Crick worked the very next day
so the minute he started banging on the door he found himself back in #2 to stay
yeah, you gotta get up early to pull one over on Crick at night
she explained the game and the players to the Doctor and he said all right
now they've got that piece of garbage in #2 on the floor
right where he belongs with a note on the door
it says doctor's orders - no Ensure - plus he's ok'd to be in #2
now I wonder what Theresa and Ted are gonna do
today he smeared shit on the windows - but that didnt' work
the night shift made him clean it up himself - he had to feel like a jerk
but you know I kind of doubt it cause the (whatever he is) has no pride
as far as I'm concerned I wish he'd stay back there till he died
cause eventually he'll fool them again - and out here again he'll be
pulling the same old shit with no respect for you or me
who was it that said that there's a sucker born each and every day
for some reason most of them wind up working back here and let him get his way
I know that punk is faking cause I caught his arm out the chowhole one night
I pulled it out and almost broke it off and told him he better get right
as I applied the pressure you shoulda heard him plead and cough
I told him if he didn't cut that shit out the next time I'd break it off!
Believe me I wasn't faking and he must of seen the light
when he realized I could get to him - there was no more noise that night
you see if he sees he can't play you - he's as normal as can be
even his hands stop shaking - no sense in wasting energy
and when he's out here with us - he doesn't get out of line
away from the protection of behind a locked door - he acts like he's fine
there is a way to stop all this - I know exactly the way
what we need is Crick to work here - 24 hrs a day

update:

I lost my nappy neighbor - old natty dread is gone
they put him back out on the yard - back where he belong
they pulled old peg leg out of here - on to CMC he rolled
no telling how many he hopped after - had the full story been told
"Big Boy's still here with me but now he's not so big around
they done shriveled him down to nothing - about 350 pounds
#5 is still jacking - leering out of the door
one night Crick busted him lying there jacking on the floor
must of been thinking about all those children he used to molest
half of them on video tape and taking pictures of the rest
yeah he tries to play it crazy - he tries real hard
but one of these days it'll catch up with him - when they put him on the yard
and me I'm still here twitching - pulling all the hair off my face
but at least with Nielson in #2 tonight I'll get some sleep and dream of another place
yeah that Nielson's one worthless human - but who am I to judge
he better hope that when he sees the MAN upstairs - that God don't hold a grudge
Now, for the sake of accuracy - I've got to change some verse
I only tell the truth - and the truth is much worse
Nielson wasn't eating soap - that's not what was making him sick
he was eating his own shit - now that's a hell of a trick
I guess he couldn't take it - eating the straight shit
he's used to having it on whole wheat - with mayo and a pickle on it
and now I find out it wasn't Ted - who had the bleeding heart
the watch commander made her spring him - now that's the sad part
he made her put him back out here - it must of been a real personal plight
we ought to get the watch commander to try to sleep back here at night
now even dear Sweet Theresa - has jumped the ship at last
looks like old Nielson's going - going down fast
the fool's lost all his support - everyone's finally hip to his game
he's burned them all out and no ones left - what a crying shame
thank god its finally over - everyone working back here has seen the light
looks like now at last - we'll get some sleep at night
now its as peaceful - as peaceful as can be
except for someone down the hall who ocassionally shouts ORDERLY!
but this is nothing - not after having Nielson around
they could drive a tractor through here - and we'd all sleep sound

P.S.

I've got to hand it to Shelly(name changed to protect the innocent) - I've got to give her her due
she's been very courteous and nice - and professional too
we get along like old friends - we have a mutual respect
but as I sit and think of this - there's something I detect
now I'm getting nervous - and here's the reason why
she's always the nicest - to those who are gonna die!
I better check with the Doctor - and see if something's wrong
this could be a sign that they'll be carrying me outta here before too long
I may be a pain in the butt now - but you'll miss me when I'm no longer here
expecially when you compare me to Nielson and the one who likes to stand at the door and leer
I keep my house clean - and my breath doesn't smell of shit
you'll never find me at my door jacking all over it
I always try to be polite and give you your due respect
I don't give you a reason to have to put me in check
all I want - all kidding aside - and that's no lie
is to get over this cold - and get out of this place before I die
Now I'm going to end this tale so sorry and true
but I've got to say just one more thing before I do
this has been on my mind and it keeps bothering me
I wish I knew the answer to satisfy my curiousity
now I hate to bring this up - it gives me chills and nauseous rushes
but when Nielson's wife kisses him does she think of the Tidy Bowl Man or 2000 flushes?